I had a burnout…and it was dreadful
For many years of my life, I have never experience a burnout as much as this episode. Maybe it is because I am getting older and my body is not able to sustain longer hours of work with little amount of rest. Nowadays, if I were to sleep late for a night, I would need to take the entire weekend to recover.
Regardless, I was still able to function as normal, performing at work and continue to pursue my hobbies. However, as I headed into 2021, I realized that my body is reacting differently as compared to the years before.
What changed?
During the year 2020, I was offered an opportunity to take on a new role with a good increment in my compensation package. At that point of time, I have already anticipated that it will come with a price but I never thought it will play a part in my mental health decline.
The project that I was assigned to involved a bit of data engineering as it was a data migration scope. I think the project has elevated my understanding of data warehouse operations and it was quite beneficial in improving my SQL skills. However, it is not an analytical kind of a role that I often resonate with.
The change of scope was not a major factor but rather the dynamics of the team and project scope was incredibly mismanaged. This adds unnecessary stress which can be totally avoided if there is a proper flow of command and technical mentorship. I guess this is a good test to my sense of resilience as I was able to endure and persevere. However, I do sometimes wonder whether it is worth the stress.
Spreading myself too thin
On top of being tremendously busy, I was very pre-occupied with other hobbies. I have taken a life coaching course late last year before I had a change of job. I have an ongoing Japanese Language lessons and I do teach coding part time. Despite having these activities, I still registered myself for online courses to pursue self-development.
If you looked at the timeline in my LinkedIn, you may have noticed the number of certifications that I posted every month. This was my dedication towards self-improvement.
My passion has always been about inspiring people to learn tech and coding as I was once in their shoes. I also signed for quite a number of mentors-mentees program to act as a mentor to the people who are new to the industry. As much as I enjoyed helping other people, it does take up some of my energy as well.
As I want to pursue a healthier lifestyle, I signed up for F45 training sessions. I did become fitter but I made the mistake of not spreading out the training as well. As my work schedule tends to be unpredictable, I usually will start off the day with a session of F45 training. It did felt good but maybe I should rest well so that I can perform better in these sessions.
Also, not to forget that I have my own social activities as well. I also hang out with friends to catch up and update about our lives.
Based on the packed schedule, I guess I have committed myself to too much activities and therefore felt the burnout towards the end.
Not allowing myself to rest
I think the burnout happened because I did not give myself a proper break. I realized that my schedule has been back to back and one after another. I did not give myself some time to breathe! Furthermore, I have a bad habit of sleeping late because I do watch online videos for entertainment. This is a very deadly combination for a burn out to happen.
And then, it hit me badly!
How I was feeling during the burnout
When the burnout happened, I can feel my body almost crashing. There were times when I was hanging out with my friends, I can feel my body shutting down in front of them. I had to keep my body moving in order to stay awake throughout the session. At times, I do feel nauseous because of the excessive fatigue.
When I am finally home for the day, I lost motivation to pursue self-development because my state of mind was really exhausted. And the effect of these can stretch up to a week!
How I managed to recover
I think giving your body some rest is an on-going process. It must be purposeful because your body needs it. I decided to reduce commitments and if possible not to take up any new activities. During the free time, I try not to fill it with stuff to do and I will arrange a ‘self-care’ session for myself. This includes taking a long good nap or going for a massage session.
Burnout can happen anytime. The most important that I learnt is to be discipline in time-management and not to be obsessed in filling your time with things to do.
Lessons learnt
In this episode, I have learnt that sometimes it is not worth it to pressurize yourself because you want to stay ahead of the curve. It is okay to slow down and take your time because frankly speaking, no one is rushing you. Eventually, you are responsible for your own health and life is not all about working hard towards your career goals.
We work hard so that we can live better. We should not put our health in jeopardy. It is always better to rest today so that we can perform better tomorrow. This way, we will be able to sustain longer and achieve more in the long run. We should not be too hard on ourselves, let go and know that you have worked hard. Don’t feel bad and give yourself that break!
